


Runaway

by regenderate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regenderate/pseuds/regenderate
Summary: Stuck on a deadly planet with no way out, Yaz is trying to handle the consequences.(Slight redo of the Ghost Monument with the events of Can You Hear Me in mind. CW for mentions/implications of suicide.)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> this is because I was thinking about Yaz's storyline and realizing it would have been more realistic and fleshed her out earlier if she had had a mini-breakdown in Ghost Monument similar to Rose's in The End of the World. so... enjoy?

Yaz is floating in space.

She blinks. 

She wakes up in a strange white chamber. 

It’s almost a cubicle. Barely big enough for her, certainly not big enough for the massive panic attack she’s about to have if she’s not careful. She kicks a bit, and a panel slides open. She steps out of the chamber and into a dingy metal corridor— it’s jarring after the bright white of the chamber. She hears crashing and shouting to her left, and she’s pretty sure one of the voices belongs to the Doctor, so she takes a deep breath, swallows her panic, and follows the sound.

The Doctor is yelling at a strange man. He looks a little scruffy, not entirely groomed, maybe a little exhausted. Mostly, though, he looks annoyed, which makes some sense given that the Doctor seems to be telling him how to fly his own ship. As Yaz comes in, the Doctor tries to push her back towards the chamber, which apparently is a “medi-pod” (is she sick?), but she refuses, choosing instead to watch the scene unfold.

The Doctor (with help from Yaz and the ship’s original pilot) manages to land the ship, although it almost hits Ryan and Graham and a woman who seems much nicer than the man Yaz and the Doctor got stuck with, if a little hardened. Apparently, there’s some kind of race going on, and Yaz and the others are stuck near the end of it. They’re “bonuses,” maybe, or maybe not, but either way it feels sort of weird, like they don’t really count as people. The hologram guy who’s running the whole operation basically says as much. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it really makes Yaz’s skin crawl.

It’s all quite a lot for Yaz, really. This planet is a desert, apparently completely deadly. The suns are too bright, and they walk for a long time, and they’re thousands of light years away from Earth and there’s a really high chance they’re all going to die here. It’s a miracle they didn’t die suspended in space, and every moment they survive is even more of a miracle.

Despite all that, Yaz doesn’t complain. This has to be overwhelming for everyone, after all, and not just her.

It’s just when they’re sitting along the riverbank, waiting for Graham and Ryan and the Doctor to fix the boat, and Yaz starts trying to get to know Angstrom that she really starts to panic. She’s asked Angstrom where she was from, mostly as a distraction for them both, but it’s backfired, because Angstrom talking about her home makes Yaz think about Sheffield, and her family, and what they’ll think if she doesn’t come back.

Fortunately, the boat is fixed just then, which provides a welcome distraction, but still, Yaz’s knee is bouncing with worry all the way until she falls asleep, and when she dozes off, she dreams about Sonya, telling her parents what might have happened. What had happened. What could still happen. In the dreams, Yaz is hovering just above, yelling, “I’m okay! I’m right here!”

Sonya doesn’t look up.

Yaz jolts awake.

By the time they get off the boat and into the mysterious fortress, Yaz is ready to explode. With each step, she takes a deep breath, and she just barely masks her fear. She knows it’s going to come up eventually— she’s just trying to save it for the next time she’s alone. No one else seems nearly as bothered. Ryan is running around trying to shoot robots with their own guns and no training, which checks out with Yaz’s memories from primary school. The Doctor seems concerned but not as much as Yaz thinks she should be, and Graham is just quiet. Yaz wonders whether it’s from worry or grief or something else.

She doesn’t have much time to wonder before everything starts happening at once. Deadly robots. Epzo in danger. Getting the oxygen cut off. In a funny sort of way, all the running around and worrying helps. Yaz is too full of adrenaline from the immediate threat to think about the big-picture “I might never see my family again” threat. 

But then the immediate threat is over.

The big-picture one might be near its close, too. That’s not nearly as comforting.   
Yaz trails behind the group as they walk the final stretch. Every step she takes makes the fear worse until she can barely walk— no one’s noticed, they’re all too far ahead. Or that's what Yaz thinks right up until Angstrom falls behind.

“You all right, there?” She looks concerned. Her face is soft, even. Yaz remembers what she said about having a family. A wife. Is this what she was like with them, before everything went downhill?

“I’m fine,” Yaz says. She's practiced for years throwing her defenses up at a moment's notice. This moment is no exception, her eyes shooting a hard glare Angstrom's way, her voice inflexible.

“Don’t look fine.”

Yaz scoffs. “Aren’t you going to fall behind? You want to win this thing, don’t you?”

“I’m a good sprinter.” Angstrom sighs. “Look, Yaz, you seem nice, and there’s clearly something on your mind. If you want to talk, talk. If you don’t, don’t. But you’re not going to walk alone, all right?”

“Thanks,” Yaz says. She pauses. “How long have you been doing this?”

“This race?” Angstrom asks.

“Running around space like this.”

“My whole life, feels like,” Angstrom says. “My mum taught me how to pilot. It’s part of the industry where I’m from. Comes in handy, doesn’t it?”

“I’ve never done this before,” Yaz says. And then in her mind’s eye she sees an empty stretch of road, a police car in the distance. “I mean, not like this. I didn’t even mean to this time.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And my sister’s going to think—” Yaz can barely get the words out. “She’s going to think I’ve gone and offed myself, or run away or something, just when I’ve finally got my life together.”

“This the same sister who wants your bedroom?”

“She’s annoying, but she cares.” Yaz shrugs. “The Doctor says she has this amazing ship that can get us right back home. But we’re lightyears away. I mean, you haven’t even heard of it.”

“Well, I’ve never been great with geography.”

“You’re a pilot.”

Angstrom laughs. “Yeah, you got me. Lying to make you feel better.”

Yaz almost smiles. “I just can’t believe I did it again,” she says. “Not even on purpose. I mean, sure I’m bored on the force, but I’m not miserable. Not even half what it used to be. And, you know, I have hope for the future and all. I didn’t always even want a future, you know? And now it’s just going to get taken right away from me.”

“Tell you what,” Angstrom says. “I win this race, get teleported out, I’ll come right back here and pick you up.”

“Thanks.” Yaz glances at her. “You better pick up the Doctor and Ryan and Graham too.”

“’Course,” Angstrom says. “Look. The Doctor seems to know what she’s doing. You’re going to see your family again.”

“You don’t know that,” Yaz insists, but she feels a little better. Angstrom’s come this far, after all. If she can do that, surely Yaz can handle this. 

The mood lasts until they get to the end of the race and Angstrom and Epzo declare a dual win, leaving Yaz stranded with Ryan, Graham, and the Doctor on a planet literally called Desolation. She doesn’t know what to do, what to say. She can’t fall apart, not with everyone there, not with the Doctor looking so dejected. 

Out of nowhere, a strange noise reaches her ears. It’s not like anything Yaz has ever heard. It’s sort of a grinding crossed with a wheeze. She doesn’t understand, but the Doctor’s face looks like she’s just seen some kind of god, so Yaz pays attention, watches the sand dune until a little blue box wavers in her line of sight. The Doctor’s babbling and pointing her sonic, and for the first time, Yaz allows herself to hope. 

It almost makes the anxiety worse.

Being so close, and still not making it— that would be the worst fate imaginable.  
She doesn’t know if she really believes the Doctor can take her home. But she’s seen a lot of impossible things today, and the Doctor’s strange bigger-on-the-inside box is only the next thing on what might turn out to be an endless list. It’s amazing, really, and she allows herself to submit to that awe, the blue-and-golden glow of the walls washing over her.

Maybe it’ll all be okay.

Maybe running away is okay sometimes.

Maybe Sonya won’t have to say anything to her parents.

“You can get us there? Really?” Yaz asks.

The Doctor grins.

“Start believing.”

Yaz breathes a sigh of relief.


End file.
